What is Happiness?

This is one of the most perplexing questions that I have ever faced in my entire life. I am sure that you can think of things that make you happy, and you are likely thinking of them right now as you read this. But what is the true meaning of happiness? You can look in any dictionary to find a vague, meaningless answer that tells you absolutely nothing. I could easily just say some cheesy chiché, saying that in order to find out what it is, you need to "look inside of yourself". That, yet again, is entirely meaningless. I give a very simple definition to the word happiness: an illusion. The feeling of happiness is but a temporary hallucinogen from the sobering reality of humanitys existence. It is the goal of all of mankind, yet it is impossible to grasp. If a person claims that they are happy, they are liers. In order to truly be happy, you must be the most ignorant person on the face of the earth. You would have to ignore all of the problems that plague not only yourself, but the rest of us. Why is it that children die of cancer at the age of 7, yet Stalin lived to be 74? I sometimes use the phrase "[insert noun here] should be taken out back and shot" (as a joke). The only noun it truly applies to is Stalin himself. The world is incredibly unjust, and the fact that we just watch is appaling. I like to think that every person has some good inside of them, but I simply cannot believe the fact that collectively, people can be good, at least not right now. For the past 300 years we have been faced with extreme hardship in the wake of the industrial revolution. Sometimes, I try to think what the mentality of the factory workers were. All it usually comes to is me imigining them saying to a worker of theirs "I'd trade your arm for a good cup of tea anyday!". You can see why I feel the way I do. My personality is simple, and somewhat Vulcan-like. I see a problem, I analyze the problem, and I do what I can to fix the problem. I do what is logical, and I see things from a logical perspective. I want to do some good in the world before I die, and how much better can I do than trying to fix the worst part of humanity: greed. Many people throughour the course of history have tried to change this, Marx, Lenin, Engels, and yet their names are now sinonimus with evil! While yes, they did have some bad traits about them, everyone does! The Capitalist pigs have even worse traits, yet they rule the world! Of course we do not learn to love Lenin in American schools, as Capitalists write the history textbooks that we read. Sometimes I think to myself, what the point of trying to help the world if it doesn't want my help? I'm sure some people would find it convienent if I were to "dissappear", but I haven't figured out that magic trick yet, sorry.
My views are controversial, yes, but I believe them because the goal is collective happiness, not happiness at the expense of others. But again, how can you have collective happiness if you do not know what happiness looks like? Illusions are a mysterious things indeed, and I have never found a more prime example.
Of course, I have had moments where I have experienced happiness, yet I have never actually been happy. Is it even possible to be happy? Appearently not, if you believe the above. Then why bother trying? If you know that you can never be happy, why waste your time? The answer is simple: we need to be trying because otherwise, we may as well all commit mass suicide. It is the stuggle that keeps us going, the struggle for happiness. Without it, life is meaningless, even more so than the definition you were tempted to look up in the beginning of the post.
I've never really tried to be happy before. I would always convince myself, "you'll be happy later on in life, don't worry about it right now, just focus on what I need to do to get to that point". It was not until last night that I asked myself, "why?". Why will I be happy later, and why should I wait? Do I gain anything by waiting? Perhaps I do, but most likely I won't. Why would I continue to pursue such an abstract concept if I don't even know what it is, if I have never experienced it? That is why I do need to try to be happy. That doesn't mean to force a smile on my face when I feel down, but to go after which naturally puts a smile on me, to go after which forces a smile on me, to the point that I cannot resist an ear to ear grin. Is this only achieveable for me if I see the death of Capitalism? I doubt it. Many things can make me smile, but I have yet to encounter something that makes me happy, so much as to force a smile upon me. Should I try? I don't know. I find it interesting that this post has turned into a self reflection, but it needed to come out. I doubt anyone has actually made it to this point in my ramblings, but if you have, you rock! Last night I tried to convince myself to try from now on to chase happiness, as far as I had to, and until death stopped me. I know myself well enough by now that it wasn't going to happen. I preach productivity, yet when it comes to chasing happiness, I am the laziest person I know.
I put alot of reflection in this post, so if you can make it past the brief rant on Capitalism, you'd really make my day.
09edwarc